Troubled Days

I find it hard to write sometimes, and especially during times when all of this stuff is going down. It’s hard to think of things to write, when you are just so disappointed in the world. Honestly though, sometimes that is the best times to write, because not only are you yourself going off into imagination land, but you can help someone else go there as well. It’s been hard in general to write just because I feel like I don’t know what to talk about, or too busy in a sense. I am supposed to continuously write so I can get my creative bone going, but it feels more like a struggle than anything else. I remember when writing used to be easy, and I would just think of things and they would flow so easily and freely. I also had a lot more time on my hands of course, but I also find myself doing this. Where I like to think and remind myself about the past and how things used to be instead of right now. Probably because I feel those times were much easier, and there are some things I regret. Even though you shouldn’t really regret anything, but most of my regrets follow with continuing my creativity. I should have would have done this, and if I had I would be here today, and so on and so on. Which isn’t even necessarily true, I had no idea what the future holds for me and I definitely didn’t know then either. So even though I like to think that things could have been way different if only I would have done this, that doesn’t necessarily make that the case. Basically I just need to get out of this funk that I am in, so I can continue on with my life and stop feeling so down. I just got myself stuck where I don’t feel like I am actually accomplishing anything and nothing is going the way I want it to. Until I get myself out, I feel writing and doing most things is hard, I think a lot of it has to do with my job and a bunch of other things as well. I just feel like I never have time to do anything and on top of that I don’t have time anymore to explore the many wonders of life. Obviously these are all things I have total control over. Living the “American” dream is nothing that it should be, because I am a person that believes living life isn’t working your standard 40 hour a week or more and doing nothing but that. I like to explore and travel and actually live life, and I don’t want to do the normal get married and have kids. My experiences will come from adventure and travel because I don’t find the fun in sitting around working and having babies, that’s just not me. Unfortunately all I am doing is working and going to school because that’s where I put myself in life right now. We said that it would be the hardest two years of our life because we would be working full time and going to school full time which means no time for anything else. Once that’s all done though you can do whatever you want supposedly, but I am even confusing myself with the true degree I want to do. I think I am just constantly questioning and confusing myself because I am unhappy and I am trying to figure out what I can do to make myself happy again.

At least if I continue writing that should help, and I am also visiting family soon so that should help as well. I also have a trip to Japan coming up and that definitely will help, only thing that stinks about that is that means I will be in school, and I am so not ready for school to start up again. I am also having some writer’s block of what I should start a creative story on. Whether it be a short story, or a real long book or just a random paragraph. Kind of like what I have done before in my old Life Journal, here are some examples. Also I wrote these back when I was in High School so like 9 years ago, so just keep that in mind, ha-ha.

1)    The waves were crashing into each other roaring like a pack of Lions. The boat was being thrashed back and forth uncontrollably. It was too dark to see anything in the distant. The only thing you could possibly see was the water in front of you which was lite by the light of the moon. Thunder roared in the sky showing gods anger towards everyone. The lighting flashed making more light to see in front of me. Still nothing. I tried to control the boat and steer it into a different direction. Nothing was working. In a little boat like mine what was I supposed to do? Nothing. So I accepted what most likely going to happen. The boat was going to either crash into rocks and break, or it was going to be filled with too much water and sink. Either way I was going to end up into the water and eventually drown. So I slowly let go of the wheel and slowly walked backwards. I stared into the starry night closing my eyes. Feeling every raindrop caress my face as I slowly sat down. I opened my eyes back up and took one more glance at the moon and stars. My one last final glance of life. So I took in what I could before a giant wave came in and crashed down into my boat. I felt the hard water being thrown into my face. Pushing me down and off of the boat into the water. I put my hand out as if to grab onto something, but nothing was there. I looked up from under the water seeing the boat come crashing down right into my body. I got thrown down farther into the ocean feeling every inch of pain from the boat and water. The only thing I remember is a bright light being shined above before I completely blacked out.

2)    (This one was definitely just a spoof of randomness.)

One time I was walking down the city street. I was just walking until I saw a pretty Blue Balloon. Right when I saw that balloon I knew I had to have it. So I ran after it. It kept going higher and higher. So I would climb building stairs to try and get it. But I never did get the balloon it was gone before I could catch it. So I slowly climbed back down the stairs very upset that I couldn’t get my balloon. So there I was just walking in the cold, cold night with my hands in the pockets of my coat. Very upset and not noticing my surroundings, when someone ran into me. Making me fall onto the ground. I sat there for a second till I saw someone’s hand come out and reach for mine. I slowly looked up to see a rather tall man. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there.” The man said. I slowly took his hand as he helped me up. “It’s ok.” I said staring at him. He was a very handsome man indeed. His deep ocean blue eyes and his brown hair that looked like he just got out of bed. “I’m Luke.” he said shaking my hand. “Krystyn.” I said shaking his hand in return. “I’m really sorry about running into you, but I got to go.” he said as he started to walk away. “Oh wait.” He said when he turned back around and walked to me again. He then handed me a blue balloon. I took the blue balloon and smiled up at him. “I saw you chasing after it a while ago and I got you another one.” he said smiling. “Thanks.” I said as I started to walk away. I came up to this little coffee house and walked in. I ordered my coffee and bagel and walked to a little chair and sat down. I picked up a book and started to read and enjoy the peace of the coffee house. A few hours passed and someone else walked in. I slowly looked up from my book to see the same man that had run into me. I followed him with my eyes as he walked to the counter. He ordered his food and when he was done he slowly turned around examining the coffee house. He noticed me sitting in my chair staring at him. He smiled a little before I quickly went back down to my book. I looked up one more time to see a smiling Luke sitting next to me. “Small world eh?” he said to me. I smiled and nodded to him. “Yup.” I said. We started to talk to each other more and more. Finally a few more hours had passed and the store was closing. We exchanged number and went to our homes. That same night he called me and asked me out on another “Outing.” Ever since then we had been talking and getting to know each other more and more. Growing to like each other every minute we were with each other. Finally a year had passed and we started dating. It has been three years now of us dating and every moment of it has been great. I will never forget the first time we met. When he gave me my Blue Balloon, I knew it was love at first sight.

So those were my two stories from back in my high school days, and they are just little ones that could be continued or not. That’s kind of what I mean though, just randomly having things like that, and I can do it again, I just need to take the time. I just need to go back to my creative mind and stop letting things hinder it so much. Unfortunately life hinders it a lot, which is why I embrace the idea of living off my own uncharted land. I’ll definitely have plenty of time then to figure myself out and write whatever I want. Anyways enough of the boohoo from me, I am trying and I will continue to try. Maybe next time I will actually have something that I have recently written. It has truly been a long time since I have written anything new. I am pretty positive the last things I had written that were truly just creative works of art were back in the good ole High School days. Oh there is one good thing that happened though! At least there is Pokémon Go that I have been playing and keeping myself entertained. Except when the servers are down which I feel is constantly right now. *sigh* Continuing on, I will keep my head up, and I will keep striding on. I will not give up, because giving up doesn’t ever solve anything. Once I really get back into gear with my creative side I think I will be happier and once things start going more the way I had hoped, that will help also. As always though, I will write again and I’ll try to challenge myself with coming up with some sort of short story, or an idea at least. I need to anyways not only for myself, but also for any animations for school. Thanks for reading, and I shall return!

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One thought on “Troubled Days

  1. I relate to this a lot. I’m having a weird kind of writers block myself, where as you also wrote, I can’t figure out what I want to write, I just know that I want to write something…
    I really hope that it all works out for you:)

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