*Stargazer*First Week of Class

So I finally survived my first week of classes! It all went better than I thought, and it gave me some good insight of what the semester will have in store for me! Which is why I dropped one course, and switched for another one! Ha-ha. Mainly just because I work full-time, and I knew I wouldn’t have the time or energy to put forth the full work I know I am capable of towards this course. I wanted to know that I was doing my absolute best in this one class on all my projects. I need to have the time for that, and it’s a new software I am learning so I definitely want to make sure I have the time for that. It won’t hinder me at all, I will still be taking the same credit hours, it will just help me focus more on my other studio class and do the best I can in that one. So I will save it for another semester when I can better plan everything out, and focus on what I need to focus on. It also doesn’t help that I am taking Japanese as my foreign language since I know that’s extra hard, but it is super awesome! I am so excited to take this class, and it is super exciting when you have things memorized and realize you can start reading things in another language! I love that feeling of accomplishment, and this is a language I have always wanted to learn, so I know I will be extra dedicated to it. Which is super important,especially when learning a new language, because you have to be interested in it in order for it to fully stick I think at least.

Anyways though, yes I finished my first week of school, and look I am able to write a blog post about it, yay! I’m not that busy yet, but I have already had homework, I also have to think of an idea for a cut out animation. I struggle sometimes when it comes to ideas, because I want to keep it simple so it can be an easy process, but I always complicate it. That’s just how my brain works, I come up with these great ideas just to find out, I am going to make my life a living hell if I attempt that. Mainly just because I don’t have the time to do something over the top creative. I guess it can be a good thing I think of these things instead of always just simple thing, but then again I think the simple things are good as well. For this situation, I need simple, and for some reason that’s just so hard. I have been searching for ideas, and some have sparked me, but again I just make them more complicated, but eventually I will come up with something! I also have just had my Japanese homework which is awesome though because I have been making sure I am doing it every day so I can continue to remember what I learned. It’s always harder to learn a language when you know you will never use it. I told my boyfriend I wish he would have taken it with me so we can talk to each other, because otherwise how am I going to keep the language if I can’t talk to anyone! So now I have to find a language buddy so I can keep everything I learn. I have met one person at least in my class, and she seems really nice, so for now I will have her but only in class. Maybe we will become a little bit closer or just have each other to talk with. I think she has some people in her family though that can speak Japanese, so luckily she has that, I’ll still have to find someone.

Speaking of Japanese though, it is officially a week from today that we leave for Japan! I will be able to read some of the stuff while I am there, and that is exciting. What’s more exciting is the fact that I will be in a whole other country, and one that I have always wanted to go to! I am so excited to experience the culture, language, food, and beauty, and I just can’t wait. I am wondering if I am ever going to want to leave, but that may be a good sign for me! I am of course nervous as well because it is another country, where I barely know the language, so it will definitely be an adventure. That’s what makes it exciting though, not knowing anything and just guessing! Figuring out the trains and everything else will be interesting, but there will be so many awesome sites to see, and it will be crazy to think I am in a different country and different time zone. We also have a layover in China so we get to be there for a little bit to rest and eat before we leave again for our flight to Tokyo, so that will be interesting as well. I am little more nervous for China than Japan, but still that will be awesome as well! Two countries in one is a big accomplishment for me, and I have a feeling this will be the best start off to my traveling adventures. This is totally going to have me wanting to travel more a lot sooner than I am supposed to be. Which may become a problem, but hey, I only have one life and I am going to live it how I want and do as much as I can! There are no time limits on things, and if that’s how life is supposed to work out for me then so be it! I will make sure to update while I am there since I have to bring my laptop for my homework anyway and I will even add pictures!

So that’s my update for now and how my week went and what I am looking forward to. Lets see how this second week of classes are, especially since I will have my new class I just added this week. It will all be good, I like all my classes for far, until I get stressed out and hate everything, but until then lets just enjoy it! Until next time!

Short Story: Destination Not Forgotten

The sound of feet are shuffling rapidly, and the people keep coming and going. I almost feel like I am part of my very own time lapse where I am sitting still, and everyone around me is moving quickly. My destination is a mystery because in reality I am just in it for the ride. Wherever I end up, is where I end up. I’m OK with that, because I think it makes things more interesting. My whole life has been filled with people coming and going, just like this train ride I am on right now. People enter, and then people leave when they have arrived at their destination. Some people leave impressions, others not so much. Sometimes it’s just a glimpse of a face, or even a tiny conversation, and others had a huge impact. Some positive, some not so much, but they all leave once they’ve reached their destination. I wonder, as I sit here on this train, with all these thoughts flowing through my mind, where is everyone going. Why was everyone’s destination to leave me, and not stand by my side? I don’t get to ever find that out because I am not living their life. I have to think about it a different way as well. In others eyes I was the person that arrived and then left when I reached my destination as well. Do they think the same thing as me, or is this something that doesn’t even concern them? I’m lost in the thought when I feel a slight bump on my shoulder. Immediately I scooch over as much as I can while muttering “sorry” under my breath. Not even glancing at who or what might have hit me. There is a good amount of space on this seat on the train, but I still continue to be bumped. I finally look slightly and notice someone looking at me. He smiles slightly, while I give him a confused look. In my head I’m thinking, “Do I know you?” as well as, “Please stop touching me.” His face has a look of concern with a slight twinkle of wonder in his eye. He smiles at me, despite my concerned unapproachable face and asks me a question.

“So where are you heading today?”

I stare at him for a second, still looking confused, when I finally realize, this person is really talking to me. He is genuinely asking me a question, where he actually looks like he cares about a response. I look away for a second trying to think up a response as if this was the hardest question anyone has ever asked me.

“Well, anywhere really.” I finally managed to say, and he gives me a look of acceptance.

“That sounds like a fun trip. I feel like that might have to be my next one.” He smiles at me and then looks forward. I stare at him for a second, and then scan the rest of the train. It’s not as busy as it was before, a lot of people have left and a very few remain. I am assuming the last stop is coming near before we are forced off the train. I look at him again, and he is still staring straight forward so I decide to ask him the same question.

“So, what about you? Where are you heading?” He looks at me surprisingly as if he had expected the conversation to go no further. I look away quickly assuming that maybe he didn’t actually want to talk. Maybe that was all the conversation he wanted, and I now have just broken the social vow of just literal small talk.

He looks back at me and smiles, “Oh just here and there, nothing to exciting. I got some errands I need to run, so nothing like you, which sounds like a day full of adventures.” He looked forward again, and his eyes seemed sad. He was forcing a smile and small talk, and I just couldn’t figure out why. I’m not much of a social bird myself, and I never know exactly what to say to keep conversation going, but for some reason with him, I just couldn’t help but pry.

I looked at him with concern, but he continued to not make eye contact. “Where are you really going?” I asked him, clearly seeing right through his words. He looked at me confused and hesitated before he spoke.

“I’m not good at this faking stuff, but I try really hard. It’s really sad when even a complete stranger can see through you huh?” He kind of chuckled and then breathed a deep sigh. The train came to a stop and made the announcement that this was the last stop and everyone had to get off. He looked up suddenly and looked around quickly.

“Oops, I guess I ended up missing my stop.” He laughed slightly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you miss your stop.” I apologized while getting up to leave. “Oh no, it wasn’t you, don’t even apologize. I should probably stay more focused on my surroundings when I try to start up conversations with strangers.” He smiled and got up as well. We both walked out of the train and stopped before we went our separate ways.

“I’m going to visit my sister in the hospital, I just really wanted some distracting time, so thank you for allowing that time for me.” I stood there for a second surprised, but also expecting an answer like that. I could tell by his body movement, and even the tone in his voice there was something more going on. He wasn’t just going on any random trip, it was a trip that was very important to him. At this moment I realized that, that was a moment he needed someone, just as much as I needed someone as well. We both were put on that train, to help the other one out, without even realizing.

“You don’t have to thank me, honestly I should thank you for even starting a conversation. I didn’t know where I was going and now I do.” He looked at me confusingly. “Would you like some company on your walk to the hospital?” He looked surprised and then finally understood what I meant by knowing where my destination was now. He smiled and looked down at the ground, then back up at me.

“I would love that, thank you.”

It’s funny how things happen like this. People being at the right spot, at the right time, when someone needs you most. You never realize you need someone until they pop up out of nowhere, and kind of force themselves into your lives. One little question can bring you a whole new world. That’s what this little train ride did for me. I was planning on leaving and never coming back. I had no one here anymore that needed or wanted me. I had lost everyone and everything, and was on my last train out. Now I have a reason to continue, someone helped me without even knowing, and I helped someone as well. Sometimes not having a destination turns out to be the biggest surprise of your life, and this destination will never be forgotten.

*Stargazer* Vacation

So I haven’t posted anything in a while just because I had been busy getting stuff ready to go back and visit family. I was going to try to post something before I left and then while I was on vacation back home, but I got too busy and just didn’t end up doing it. I am back now though from visiting the good ol Illinois. Of course the first two days we are there it’s under heat advisory because the humidity is just horrible. It was so bad, and sleeping at night was even worse. We even went to Six Flags on Friday, and it was fun, and it wasn’t as bad as the day before, but it was still horrible. Sweating the whole time, and just sticky, it was so nice to take a shower. Six flags Great America was fun though for the most part before getting into an argument with my partner and siblings. It’s always great visiting family, and I love visiting my mom, dad, step parents, and grandma because they are adults and act like adults. My siblings on the other hand can be very dramatic and can cause problems for no reason. Besides that normally we get along just fine, and we have always been super close. Obviously we are each growing up and kind of going our own ways. I moved away though, and that kind of made them mad. What made them more mad is that they feel the guy I am with now forced me to move away with him. Which isn’t true even at all, but I can see where they are coming from. I never really ever discussed moving to the state I am in now, and to them it was super random. To my whole family it was super random, and of course it happened while I am with my boyfriend, so in their minds they see me as being dragged away. When in reality, him and I discussed it just fine, made plans and had everything set out for ourselves that we didn’t view it as a problem. This place is also not particularly my most favorite place to live, and I don’t plan on living here forever, so that probably doesn’t help either since I am not head over heels in love with this new state I live in. The thing that angers me the most though, is I have been with my boyfriend for three years now, and still going, and we’ve actually made it quite far and are doing quite well for ourselves, yet my siblings still seem to thing these awful things. Their boyfriends are perfect in their minds, and they both accept each others boyfriends, but when it comes to mine there always seem to be something wrong. It’s really irritating because I can try to explain to them my situation and how it’s unfair and that I obviously wasn’t forced to move anywhere. I won’t let anyone force me anywhere, or even to be with them if I didn’t want to be. That should be known by my past, especially by them, that I won’t stick with someone who makes me unhappy. I tried explaining and they just wouldn’t understand and of course at that time I was in an argument with my boyfriend as well so I had both sides gaining up on me it felt like. I told them though if this continues I will refuse to visit, because it’s unnecessary for them to continue to dislike someone who has done nothing wrong to them in the first place. They should be happy for me and accepting just like I am of their men, and their situation, if they can’t be then I guess they don’t want me in their life either. He’s not going anywhere anytime soon, at least I hope not, and he’s made it this far, so they need to start accepting him, or accepting the idea of me no longer in the picture.

Besides that situation though it was a very nice, and much-needed trip. I felt like I didn’t spend as much time on my mom’s side, but that might have been partly because she hurt her back and couldn’t do much. It also could have been that I had my step sisters wedding to go to that took up a whole day that should have been designated to my mom’s side as well. Oh well, each year I try to plan better than the last and I feel like it never works out. I guess I just have to keep trying. Seeing my father was awesome also, we saw lots of movies, and went out and played something called Top Golf. It was actually quite fun and I would totally do it again, even though I suck at golf. My step sisters wedding was beautiful and she was beautiful and I am extremely happy for her. They are lucky and are going on their honeymoon in New Zealand, oh man, someday I can’t wait to visit there. I plan to for sure, since my life dedication is going to be to traveling. There is so much to see and explore that I just am not ready to stay complacent. So now I am back to the grove of work, and unfortunately school is quickly approaching. I am not ready to go back to University, and I am not ready to work full-time and do school work constantly. Life goes away for another 4 months of just straight stress. Luckily though I have one more trip I am going to in about a month, and that is to Tokyo! Japan is a place I have always wanted to travel to, and I am finally actually making it happen. I am super excited and nervous at the same time. Mainly because of the language barrier, but that also makes it the reason it is so exciting. Getting lost sometimes can turn out to be an even greater adventure, other times it could just be a disaster. I am going to look at the positive side and just see it as an adventure no matter what, ha ha. I am attempting to learn the language though, and I am going to make sure I have some necessary phrases with me, and I am going to try to memorize and learn the hiragana and katakana. I don’t think I’ll have enough time for kanji, maybe a couple, but definitely not many. Either way, I am excited, and I am planning that now and getting my schooling in order as well. Summer has gone by way too quickly like I knew it would, just like this year has honestly, but it’s all an adventure.

So I will continue to try to be back to my normal writing and blogging, and thinking up stories. I may have a lot to do, but I also have a lot to talk about. We also got behind on our videos on You Tube so we have to do that also. We have the videos just need to edit and post them all up. Phew so much to do and there is so little time it feels like, but this honestly, just writing, helps keep me sane. So now I just need to continue focusing on writing and creating stories again. I have actually had some dreams and ideas of stories I have wanted to start, but I forget to write them down or even start writing right then to at least get it started. I feel like I have had writers block of creativity for 10 years now, and I guess I am having troubling coming up with things. If anyone has suggestions or ideas of how to get back started after not writing for a pretty long time, I would be super appreciative of any help! Otherwise I will just keep continuing to write, read, listen to music, draw, and try to come up with something. I am sure something will come out eventually, but until then it’s the small steps that count!

 

Be My Guest

Guests can sometimes be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on the situation and who is the guest. Sometimes people are really excited to have guests, while others not so much. Many people purposefully go out of their way to avoid having planned guests or even sudden guests. Other embrace guests with wide open arms and wants to have as many guests as possible and have them as often as possible. I can kind of lean on the teeter where sometimes I want guest’s and other times not so much. I do like when family and friends visit, and other times I am like, “Eh, not today.” If I am doing too much stuff all the time, the last thing on my mind is having someone over. Other times if I have been disinterested to long or haven’t seen someone in a while I will definitely welcome guests. It’s weird though because sometimes even though you may not want guest’s or certain guests to visit, sometimes you need those guests to visit. It becomes very apparent during and after the visit how important this guest may have been.

One thing that is interesting to me is the fact that, even though we may not want guests of our own, we are constant guests. Guests to this world and earth that come and go. No one knows for how long they stay, some short and some long. We hopefully try to make the most of it while we stay on this land, but to me it seems not everyone gets that chance. This is where the unfortunate guest’s come into play, where you have the one’s you want, and the one’s you don’t. We are all forced to be here, and it could be something wonderful or it could be something absolutely horrible. It’s all in how we see it, and how make things work. Some people are dealt hands that just can’t be worked with, while others are dealt the best of the best. Again though, it is all about how we perceive things, and I know there are times when I perceive things horribly.  I also have moments where things are going in my favor and therefore am having the best time ever. We can all have great lives and we can all be great guests, we just have to find what makes us happy, and what makes it worth it.

As I walk down the long road ahead, it’s clear to me how dark it really is. No sound, no sight, no feeling. It all seems very strange, and yet all so clear. When no one and nothing is around, it seems easier to deal with things that have troubled you, but it also seems very scary. Sometimes isolation can make things so clear to oneself, and other times it can make things worse and appear terrifying. As I continue to walk I start to hear the crunch of leaves that scatter across the ground. I hear the wind whistle through the tree’s and the sound of animals rustling around. I look up at the clear black sky that shows nothing but blinking lights that slowly guide me to where I need to be. I look all around me and at first it seems black, but I slowly start to see, one by one, eyes that glow staring back at me. I start to realize of course I’m not alone, I am in someone else’s territory. This should have been so clear before, but I was so blinded by my own problems, that I never realized what else was out there, besides myself. I stopped walking and stared up at the sky again, and took a deep breath. I let out a sigh of relief, and because of the cold brisk air, I could see that sigh being released from my mouth. “So this is what it’s like to be a guest in a place you don’t belong.”

Welcome Back!

Welcome back to myself! A long time ago I used to use blogs and I used to write in them and it was fun! I also had a Live Journal from my younger teenage years and I went back and read those lovely memories. I love writing, and I used to be good at it, as well as reading. I feel I have no time for these things anymore as I get older, but that’s not really the case. I have to make time for the things I love, and this is one of those things. I always go back to reminiscing in the past of High School, which I know “who does that, especially High School?” Well I do, and the main reason for it is because that’s when I was my most creative, and I miss my creativeness. I lost it along the way of life, nothing has gone as planned, but then again that’s what life is all about isn’t it? No reason to bother trying to plan it, because it isn’t always going to happen that way, but now that that is done and over with I can at least attempt to get back on track. I want to continue writing, whether it be just random blogs about my life and adventures or if I had some stories I made up as well. I took a creative writing class in High School, and I loved it. I saved my old writings I have and I need to look back at those for inspiration. This will be used as my own rants, my own personal stories, and my own adventures. I plan to start making videos as well with my boyfriend about our adventures of where we live now, and all the places we travel! I want to make this part of that and maybe eventually make our own personal blog together that connects to the videos. I’ve got things planned it’s just a matter of putting them into action and actually doing them! This is the first step, start writing no matter what it is about. I also finally went back to College to finish my Bachelors in Animation. Doesn’t mean I am necessarily going to get into animation, but I have always had a passion for Web Design/Animation. I always wanted to create stories to be published into books or even, if I could draw, make them into manga’s or anime’s. I had plans to be the writer while someone else draws out the characters or comic. All still possible, just got to start writing something and see where it goes, I also would of course attempt in drawing my idea of characters, and they just wouldn’t be very good. Anyways, after a few setbacks in life I am finally starting to head in a good direction and hopefully it stays that way and improves. I got out of my home town and am living in a whole new area making something of myself. I am still not completely where I want to be, but I am hoping after I accomplish my degree I will be a little closer to that goal. My goal of wanting to travel the world, and experience life. There’s so much out there to see, do, eat, and explore. I don’t want to be stationary, and I never have, and I never hope to be. Maybe at some point in my life there will be a time to settle down, but even then I won’t be completely settled down. I’ll also have had seen the world and experienced many things to finally be content and to feel whole. My job currently doesn’t offer much creativity and so I have been lacking it majorly, so doing this and going to school will hopefully get me back to my original state of mind. So for now this is my welcome back, and I have set goals for myself, and I will be posting more regularly. I will start being more creative and again taking more steps forward.