*Stargazer*It’s been a minute

Oh man, sorry guys, it really has been a minute! I got back from my trip in Tokyo last Friday, and have been trying to settle back in with school, work, and life in general. I have been meaning to write, and now I finally have some time I think I will. The trip to Japan was amazing of course, and everything I had always hoped for plus more. It’s the trip I have always dreamed of doing, and never thought I actually would. It definitely wasn’t long enough, but that’s why we will definitely be going back. There are a lot of places I want to travel to, and I can’t to see all these new and wonderful places. The world is huge, so much bigger than we think, and there are so many different cultures to explore! It’s all really exciting when you think about it, and traveling has always been something I have wanted to do. I don’t want a typical life of working everyday and staying home and settling there is too much out there in the world to do that. So Japan was the first start of it, and that already made us want to just skip coming back home and make a life there. It really was fantastic, and even though we just saw Tokyo this time it was really amazing. It’s totally different there, and you never realize how different something is until you experience it. I am already excited to be able to go back and explore more of Japan. We stayed with AirBNB which was awesome, and our hosts were awesome and really helped make the experience even better. I would totally recommend using AirBNB to anyone who hasn’t yet and is traveling to other countries or areas. It really helps make you feel like you’re living there, and you really get the full experience instead of just a hotel. We did the typical tourist things, and there was a lot of walking. That’s basically all it was except for when we were on the train. I got a nice big blister on my pinky toe, but that didn’t stop me! There was also a lot of sweating from the humidity, and I am pretty sure I lost 20 pounds of body weight in sweat. It was so horrible, and after living in the desert for a couple of years now, you really start to notice the humidity more. I mean I was born and raised in humidity, always used to my hair frizzing and puffing, but now that I am used to it not doing that because it’s so dry, it was definitely another experience. I hate when my hair get frizzy and gross, that’s definitely one thing I don’t miss about the humidity. I also didn’t realize my hair was still capable of doing this because I am already used to the dry air where I live. I do miss though being able to breathe and not having to wake up to a stuffy nose every morning. When I am in a humid place I can breath through out the night, the morning and the day. When I am in a desert, I constantly have to blow my nose, use an inhaler, and barely can sleep because my nose is so stuffed. Anyways, we actually had really good sunny days also, a couple of rainy days that ended basically when we left to go explore the areas. So it ended up being pretty perfect, I just wish we had more time. Next time though for sure we will have more time, and it will be even better! I will show some pictures now!

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See how awesome everything is! I took lots of pictures, and gained lots of memories, and this has me so ready to travel even more! This was my first big, out of country trip and it has already opened my eyes. I have gone to the Bahamas before, but this was nothing like that. Well that’s that for now, I have to go back to normal life until I travel again. Next trip will be back home, which isn’t a big trip, but that also depends. We are trying to save up for our big trips, and I am hoping to go to Ireland next! We have someone we work with who really wants to go to Ireland, and I think it would be cool to plan a travel trip together, so we will see! For now it is back to life, reality, and school and make sure I keep my grades up and pass all my classes. I got to sit down and focus more on my Japanese, especially since I don’t see it everyday or hear it everyday, so I have to work extra hard at it! So until next time!

Everything Is Starting

Oh man guys, school is tomorrow, and I am just not ready for it. Summer always goes by way too quickly, and I always want to tell myself just take another semester off, but I can’t. Well at least I shouldn’t, I have taken way too many to begin with, hence why I am still trying to get my degree. Besides that though, I am just not ready to have to wake up early, and go to classes. I am not ready for all the homework and big projects. I also know I am taking classes that are going to be leaving me with a lot of projects and I am not excited about that. I am also taking a Japanese class for my language class, and I already know that is going to be so difficult. I did it to myself, but that’s a language I have always wanted to learn, so I know I will be more dedicated to it. I just am not sure how well I am going to do while also having to focus on other classes. I’m already looking forward to break and classes haven’t even started yet. Yea I know, pathetic, ha-ha. On a positive note though a week in a half and I am going on my trip to Tokyo! That is super awesome! I have been looking forward to this forever, and it is finally happening! I just hate that it has to be happening while I am in school so I could look forward to it more. I was so excited for this day to come, but not as excited because I knew that meant school was starting as well. But Japan is coming up, and I am super excited! I just need to get through this week and most of next and then I will be in another country! I am super excited to experience another culture, especially one I love so much, and just soak it all in. This is basically my first real overseas trip to another country and I couldn’t be more excited! Until then though I have been trying to get everything together for the trip and for school. Luckily school is basically done, it’s just a matter of attending class and getting the stupid small stuff I will need. Of course it all costs money and I always feel like there is more and more that needs to be bought. Once I get into the groove of school though I’ll be a little bit better. I am definitely going to miss my freedom, but as long as I get this degree done then I can have as much freedom as I want. Hopefully I finish it, ha-ha, I am usually pretty random and will make decisions based on where I am heading in my life. If I am heading in a good direction where not continuing my degree is possible then I will take that road, if not then I continue to stay here. I haven’t written too much in a while, and I haven’t been able to have very much creativity either. I do have some things typed out on my computer that I just need to continue. I’m trying to make more time for everything, and it definitely is true when people say there is just not enough time in the day. Maybe while I am doing my animation homework and projects I’ll have a huge creativity spark for a story of some sort. We will see! Anyways, I will try to continue to be one here and write even if it is something small, and wish me luck on my first day of classes tomorrow! Until next time!

*Stargazer* Keeping Busy

I now have school coming up in a couple of weeks, and I am totally not ready to go back. I just really don’t want to. Summer always goes by to quickly, and a lot of the time I am ready for school. I am excited to going back to having something to do all the time and learning new things, but not this semester. I am ready for my degree to be finished and just done with school, but I keep putting it off. I am also even thinking of changing my degree, which seems to happen a lot. I never know what I really want to do with my degree because I never wanted to work a typical job. I have always wanted nothing more than to travel and experience life while not being tied down, but I never knew what kind of degree that entailed. I don’t think it really does entail one, but the problem is, is that money is still needed to do these things. I have never wanted to be tied down to a job, and I am sure most people don’t like to as well. I have always just wanted to do my own thing on my own time. Experiencing the world of travel is what I definitely want to do, and I am slowly starting that at least. I have a trip to Japan coming up in a few weeks, and this is a good start. The only problem is, is that I have to come back home to reality. I just keep telling myself this is only temporary until I finish my degree and can figure out where we want to go, but it always seems so far away. It also doesn’t help when I think about changing up my degree as well though. I don’t think changing it would affect me to much seeing as how I don’t want to look for a typical job anyways. Having a degree period will help me, despite what it’s in. I don’t know though, it is very complicated and still a hard decision to make.

It also didn’t help when we watched a movie last night, which is called The Way, and it was actually a very good movie. Of course it starts out sad, and it kind of is throughout the whole movie, but it is totally a good movie. Basically a dad walks the Camino de Santiago which is a catholic pilgrimage route to the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela in Galicia, Spain. He meets people on the way that are also doing this, and everyone is doing it for their own reasons. I don’t want to spoil the fathers reasons just in case anyone wants to see it. Even though now days you can just look it up on the internet and it will tell you, it may even just be in the trailer, but oh well. Seeing him do that though really makes you want to get out and kind of do the same thing, if you’re into traveling of course. It’s really exciting and all the different people he met and became friends with is just an awesome experience, and that’s something I would like to experience. So yea reasons like that are why I would like to travel, besides learning the different cultures around the world, and of course the food. I love food, and I love to try food, so experience other countries food is a huge bonus.

Anyways I have been so busy trying to plan our trip to Japan and getting everything planned out, tickets bought, and hotels and what not. Then on top of that trying to figure out my classes, buying books, and finding out where my classes are going to be. Making sure I have all the supplies I need basically, plus I have a friend visiting for a couple of days, and my boyfriend has a friend visiting for a few days. Too much going on for my liking sometimes, and it’s all approaching when I will continue to be busy with school work, so I feel like I am not having any personal alone time. I write my blogs at work because I don’t have any other time. I’ve started working out also so I had to add that into my schedule, but that’s a good thing. I am doing really well with it and keeping on track so hopefully I stick with this. I have the motivation and I need to keep reminding myself what the motivation is and why I am doing this. It’s hard to do, but it will get easier and once I start seeing results I think that will help as well. I am excited to see results because I am tired of complaining about my weight, but never doing anything about it. So I finally decided to improve myself and no more complaining. So yea, I have been kind of busy, and all I really want to do is just sit, relax, and watch some shows or even read. Writing at least helps me keep connected to myself at least, and I did write a short story finally after forever of not writing anything creative. Even if it wasn’t anything super awesome, the fact that I wrote something creative after being so absent from it, is awesome to me. Hopefully I can keep this up with school work and everything, then again maybe it will even help my stay focused on it. That’s my life for now though, busy, busy, busy, but super excited for our trip to Japan! I will make sure to post pictures and talk about my trip as well, but I still have a few weeks until then. For now, that’s how the cookie crumbles!

Short Story: Destination Not Forgotten

The sound of feet are shuffling rapidly, and the people keep coming and going. I almost feel like I am part of my very own time lapse where I am sitting still, and everyone around me is moving quickly. My destination is a mystery because in reality I am just in it for the ride. Wherever I end up, is where I end up. I’m OK with that, because I think it makes things more interesting. My whole life has been filled with people coming and going, just like this train ride I am on right now. People enter, and then people leave when they have arrived at their destination. Some people leave impressions, others not so much. Sometimes it’s just a glimpse of a face, or even a tiny conversation, and others had a huge impact. Some positive, some not so much, but they all leave once they’ve reached their destination. I wonder, as I sit here on this train, with all these thoughts flowing through my mind, where is everyone going. Why was everyone’s destination to leave me, and not stand by my side? I don’t get to ever find that out because I am not living their life. I have to think about it a different way as well. In others eyes I was the person that arrived and then left when I reached my destination as well. Do they think the same thing as me, or is this something that doesn’t even concern them? I’m lost in the thought when I feel a slight bump on my shoulder. Immediately I scooch over as much as I can while muttering “sorry” under my breath. Not even glancing at who or what might have hit me. There is a good amount of space on this seat on the train, but I still continue to be bumped. I finally look slightly and notice someone looking at me. He smiles slightly, while I give him a confused look. In my head I’m thinking, “Do I know you?” as well as, “Please stop touching me.” His face has a look of concern with a slight twinkle of wonder in his eye. He smiles at me, despite my concerned unapproachable face and asks me a question.

“So where are you heading today?”

I stare at him for a second, still looking confused, when I finally realize, this person is really talking to me. He is genuinely asking me a question, where he actually looks like he cares about a response. I look away for a second trying to think up a response as if this was the hardest question anyone has ever asked me.

“Well, anywhere really.” I finally managed to say, and he gives me a look of acceptance.

“That sounds like a fun trip. I feel like that might have to be my next one.” He smiles at me and then looks forward. I stare at him for a second, and then scan the rest of the train. It’s not as busy as it was before, a lot of people have left and a very few remain. I am assuming the last stop is coming near before we are forced off the train. I look at him again, and he is still staring straight forward so I decide to ask him the same question.

“So, what about you? Where are you heading?” He looks at me surprisingly as if he had expected the conversation to go no further. I look away quickly assuming that maybe he didn’t actually want to talk. Maybe that was all the conversation he wanted, and I now have just broken the social vow of just literal small talk.

He looks back at me and smiles, “Oh just here and there, nothing to exciting. I got some errands I need to run, so nothing like you, which sounds like a day full of adventures.” He looked forward again, and his eyes seemed sad. He was forcing a smile and small talk, and I just couldn’t figure out why. I’m not much of a social bird myself, and I never know exactly what to say to keep conversation going, but for some reason with him, I just couldn’t help but pry.

I looked at him with concern, but he continued to not make eye contact. “Where are you really going?” I asked him, clearly seeing right through his words. He looked at me confused and hesitated before he spoke.

“I’m not good at this faking stuff, but I try really hard. It’s really sad when even a complete stranger can see through you huh?” He kind of chuckled and then breathed a deep sigh. The train came to a stop and made the announcement that this was the last stop and everyone had to get off. He looked up suddenly and looked around quickly.

“Oops, I guess I ended up missing my stop.” He laughed slightly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you miss your stop.” I apologized while getting up to leave. “Oh no, it wasn’t you, don’t even apologize. I should probably stay more focused on my surroundings when I try to start up conversations with strangers.” He smiled and got up as well. We both walked out of the train and stopped before we went our separate ways.

“I’m going to visit my sister in the hospital, I just really wanted some distracting time, so thank you for allowing that time for me.” I stood there for a second surprised, but also expecting an answer like that. I could tell by his body movement, and even the tone in his voice there was something more going on. He wasn’t just going on any random trip, it was a trip that was very important to him. At this moment I realized that, that was a moment he needed someone, just as much as I needed someone as well. We both were put on that train, to help the other one out, without even realizing.

“You don’t have to thank me, honestly I should thank you for even starting a conversation. I didn’t know where I was going and now I do.” He looked at me confusingly. “Would you like some company on your walk to the hospital?” He looked surprised and then finally understood what I meant by knowing where my destination was now. He smiled and looked down at the ground, then back up at me.

“I would love that, thank you.”

It’s funny how things happen like this. People being at the right spot, at the right time, when someone needs you most. You never realize you need someone until they pop up out of nowhere, and kind of force themselves into your lives. One little question can bring you a whole new world. That’s what this little train ride did for me. I was planning on leaving and never coming back. I had no one here anymore that needed or wanted me. I had lost everyone and everything, and was on my last train out. Now I have a reason to continue, someone helped me without even knowing, and I helped someone as well. Sometimes not having a destination turns out to be the biggest surprise of your life, and this destination will never be forgotten.

Freedom Speaks, But Isn’t Seen

Like the stars I wish for travel, but the wind is what will carry me.

Plenty of times I have wished to be blown away. For that extra push that would help me spread my wings and fly away. I would love to soar, weaving in and out of the gusts of wind that carry me to my next destination.

Life can be that gust of wind for me. I don’t know where I am going, and I don’t care, because I trust the wind. It is invisible, sometimes subtle, other times not, but it always is going somewhere.

So please take me with the next time you come through. I will willingly accept the wind, as it embraces my body. I will become light, and soar with freedom, such as the wind does everyday.

*Stargazer* Vacation

So I haven’t posted anything in a while just because I had been busy getting stuff ready to go back and visit family. I was going to try to post something before I left and then while I was on vacation back home, but I got too busy and just didn’t end up doing it. I am back now though from visiting the good ol Illinois. Of course the first two days we are there it’s under heat advisory because the humidity is just horrible. It was so bad, and sleeping at night was even worse. We even went to Six Flags on Friday, and it was fun, and it wasn’t as bad as the day before, but it was still horrible. Sweating the whole time, and just sticky, it was so nice to take a shower. Six flags Great America was fun though for the most part before getting into an argument with my partner and siblings. It’s always great visiting family, and I love visiting my mom, dad, step parents, and grandma because they are adults and act like adults. My siblings on the other hand can be very dramatic and can cause problems for no reason. Besides that normally we get along just fine, and we have always been super close. Obviously we are each growing up and kind of going our own ways. I moved away though, and that kind of made them mad. What made them more mad is that they feel the guy I am with now forced me to move away with him. Which isn’t true even at all, but I can see where they are coming from. I never really ever discussed moving to the state I am in now, and to them it was super random. To my whole family it was super random, and of course it happened while I am with my boyfriend, so in their minds they see me as being dragged away. When in reality, him and I discussed it just fine, made plans and had everything set out for ourselves that we didn’t view it as a problem. This place is also not particularly my most favorite place to live, and I don’t plan on living here forever, so that probably doesn’t help either since I am not head over heels in love with this new state I live in. The thing that angers me the most though, is I have been with my boyfriend for three years now, and still going, and we’ve actually made it quite far and are doing quite well for ourselves, yet my siblings still seem to thing these awful things. Their boyfriends are perfect in their minds, and they both accept each others boyfriends, but when it comes to mine there always seem to be something wrong. It’s really irritating because I can try to explain to them my situation and how it’s unfair and that I obviously wasn’t forced to move anywhere. I won’t let anyone force me anywhere, or even to be with them if I didn’t want to be. That should be known by my past, especially by them, that I won’t stick with someone who makes me unhappy. I tried explaining and they just wouldn’t understand and of course at that time I was in an argument with my boyfriend as well so I had both sides gaining up on me it felt like. I told them though if this continues I will refuse to visit, because it’s unnecessary for them to continue to dislike someone who has done nothing wrong to them in the first place. They should be happy for me and accepting just like I am of their men, and their situation, if they can’t be then I guess they don’t want me in their life either. He’s not going anywhere anytime soon, at least I hope not, and he’s made it this far, so they need to start accepting him, or accepting the idea of me no longer in the picture.

Besides that situation though it was a very nice, and much-needed trip. I felt like I didn’t spend as much time on my mom’s side, but that might have been partly because she hurt her back and couldn’t do much. It also could have been that I had my step sisters wedding to go to that took up a whole day that should have been designated to my mom’s side as well. Oh well, each year I try to plan better than the last and I feel like it never works out. I guess I just have to keep trying. Seeing my father was awesome also, we saw lots of movies, and went out and played something called Top Golf. It was actually quite fun and I would totally do it again, even though I suck at golf. My step sisters wedding was beautiful and she was beautiful and I am extremely happy for her. They are lucky and are going on their honeymoon in New Zealand, oh man, someday I can’t wait to visit there. I plan to for sure, since my life dedication is going to be to traveling. There is so much to see and explore that I just am not ready to stay complacent. So now I am back to the grove of work, and unfortunately school is quickly approaching. I am not ready to go back to University, and I am not ready to work full-time and do school work constantly. Life goes away for another 4 months of just straight stress. Luckily though I have one more trip I am going to in about a month, and that is to Tokyo! Japan is a place I have always wanted to travel to, and I am finally actually making it happen. I am super excited and nervous at the same time. Mainly because of the language barrier, but that also makes it the reason it is so exciting. Getting lost sometimes can turn out to be an even greater adventure, other times it could just be a disaster. I am going to look at the positive side and just see it as an adventure no matter what, ha ha. I am attempting to learn the language though, and I am going to make sure I have some necessary phrases with me, and I am going to try to memorize and learn the hiragana and katakana. I don’t think I’ll have enough time for kanji, maybe a couple, but definitely not many. Either way, I am excited, and I am planning that now and getting my schooling in order as well. Summer has gone by way too quickly like I knew it would, just like this year has honestly, but it’s all an adventure.

So I will continue to try to be back to my normal writing and blogging, and thinking up stories. I may have a lot to do, but I also have a lot to talk about. We also got behind on our videos on You Tube so we have to do that also. We have the videos just need to edit and post them all up. Phew so much to do and there is so little time it feels like, but this honestly, just writing, helps keep me sane. So now I just need to continue focusing on writing and creating stories again. I have actually had some dreams and ideas of stories I have wanted to start, but I forget to write them down or even start writing right then to at least get it started. I feel like I have had writers block of creativity for 10 years now, and I guess I am having troubling coming up with things. If anyone has suggestions or ideas of how to get back started after not writing for a pretty long time, I would be super appreciative of any help! Otherwise I will just keep continuing to write, read, listen to music, draw, and try to come up with something. I am sure something will come out eventually, but until then it’s the small steps that count!

 

Be My Guest

Guests can sometimes be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on the situation and who is the guest. Sometimes people are really excited to have guests, while others not so much. Many people purposefully go out of their way to avoid having planned guests or even sudden guests. Other embrace guests with wide open arms and wants to have as many guests as possible and have them as often as possible. I can kind of lean on the teeter where sometimes I want guest’s and other times not so much. I do like when family and friends visit, and other times I am like, “Eh, not today.” If I am doing too much stuff all the time, the last thing on my mind is having someone over. Other times if I have been disinterested to long or haven’t seen someone in a while I will definitely welcome guests. It’s weird though because sometimes even though you may not want guest’s or certain guests to visit, sometimes you need those guests to visit. It becomes very apparent during and after the visit how important this guest may have been.

One thing that is interesting to me is the fact that, even though we may not want guests of our own, we are constant guests. Guests to this world and earth that come and go. No one knows for how long they stay, some short and some long. We hopefully try to make the most of it while we stay on this land, but to me it seems not everyone gets that chance. This is where the unfortunate guest’s come into play, where you have the one’s you want, and the one’s you don’t. We are all forced to be here, and it could be something wonderful or it could be something absolutely horrible. It’s all in how we see it, and how make things work. Some people are dealt hands that just can’t be worked with, while others are dealt the best of the best. Again though, it is all about how we perceive things, and I know there are times when I perceive things horribly.  I also have moments where things are going in my favor and therefore am having the best time ever. We can all have great lives and we can all be great guests, we just have to find what makes us happy, and what makes it worth it.

As I walk down the long road ahead, it’s clear to me how dark it really is. No sound, no sight, no feeling. It all seems very strange, and yet all so clear. When no one and nothing is around, it seems easier to deal with things that have troubled you, but it also seems very scary. Sometimes isolation can make things so clear to oneself, and other times it can make things worse and appear terrifying. As I continue to walk I start to hear the crunch of leaves that scatter across the ground. I hear the wind whistle through the tree’s and the sound of animals rustling around. I look up at the clear black sky that shows nothing but blinking lights that slowly guide me to where I need to be. I look all around me and at first it seems black, but I slowly start to see, one by one, eyes that glow staring back at me. I start to realize of course I’m not alone, I am in someone else’s territory. This should have been so clear before, but I was so blinded by my own problems, that I never realized what else was out there, besides myself. I stopped walking and stared up at the sky again, and took a deep breath. I let out a sigh of relief, and because of the cold brisk air, I could see that sigh being released from my mouth. “So this is what it’s like to be a guest in a place you don’t belong.”